There is a popular misconception that dominant women are the ones who are going to take care of everything and sub guys only have to do what they are told. No.
I frequently catch vanilla guys making snide remarks like: "assholes get all the girls". This is a way of saying nice guys finish last, but saying it in a way that makes it look like it's the women's fault - like we have bad taste in men, or something. BDSM men also sometimes fall prey to this muddle.
Here's the straight story. When nice guys finish last, it's not because they are nice, but in spite of it. Being nice is no help if you...
Try giving the women a chance to get to know you. Don't give up on yourself, and _don't simply "be yourself"_, either. You already tried being yourself, and it didn't work! Be better than yourself. The whole drama is bigger than little old you. Dress up, get your dick up, and hone your horns to confront and best other bulls in the battle for survival.
Get up, go out, and get busy, damn it, or you'll deserve to be warming the bench with your dick in your hand.
Women expect and need men to act like men. That doesn't mean to be domineering, obviously, especially not if you are after a dominant dame. What it means is don't be a delicate blossom, a wimpy little shrinking violet. Women do not get wet for wallflowers. We need to feel wanted, we want to know you desire us.
Want to know how to be attractive to women? Give women something they want. Women *love* nice guys! Women *need* nice guys, like _heroes_, and _healers_. So, pick one: hero or healer, and be that with all your heart as if your whole life depends upon it. Otherwise, pal, you ain't gettin' any, and even the angels won't weep for you.
Guys, don't be namby-pamby about it. Give that gal you admire a flat-out compliment on a regular basis. Not just the way she's dressed. Lots of women would rather be noticed for the special things that they say and do.
Point it out if you have (non-sexual) things in common with your charmer. If things go well, it gives you an excuse to suggest doing it together.
"You like to go thrift-shopping!? I do that every weekend. I know a great obscure shop, let me take you this Saturday. We can get lunch while we are out." NOTE: say "Saturday", not "someday". Be specific. You are trying to convince the star of your heart to commit to some concrete plans with you. If she says, "I can't go Saturday" that is not a brush-off. Ask her ~when~ is a good day. If she can't think of a good day, if no day is a good day, *that* is a brush-off. Then you would say, "OK, well, maybe we'll see each other in Salvation Army someday." and let it go at that. That doesn't mean you have no chance at all, it means she's not receptive yet. Give her a chance to get to know you, and ask her again some other time if she seems to be softening up.
The problem with most guys is that they give up too easily. They forget that women don't have testosterone prodding us from behind like a pushy demon from Hell. Women usually need coaxing. Why doesn't everybody just know and accept that?
Gentlemen: you don't have to act like an extrovert if you are not one, but you do have to force yourself to bust a move once in a while. More than usual, I mean. You have to keep pushing your own limits. Extend yourself out of your own comfort zone now and then. Remember: no pain, no gain.
Join Alt.com - largest BDSM/Alternative Lifestyle Personals!
This essay and all site contents Copyright L. Goodwin 1990 - 2001
Back to essays